Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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