I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want a musical about memes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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