pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
