The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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