I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
