the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
