I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
