i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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