If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
