No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
