Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
