I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
