I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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