And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
