it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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