I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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