I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
