In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
