News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
