I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
