Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
