Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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