Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
