for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
