So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
