That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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