dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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