He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
