And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
