he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
