Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My pussy is not your playground.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
