Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
