She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
