so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
