He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
