You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
