I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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