Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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