I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
