I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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