The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
