I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
