Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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