just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
