At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I die, sorry about rent.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
