why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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