If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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