Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
