I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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