im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
